August 27

Lesson #10: Hi Y’all. This one s probably the most important lesson I’ve learned throughout my life of important lessons—Never ever, never, I mean never, listen to soothsayers. They will also say nay nay to your path and your success. Also, very good at magic. I think I’m using the right word. Careful of witches.

August 26

Lesson #10: Chase dreams. Not seagulls. Seagulls will never let you reach your full potential. And they have crazy bird strength.

August 25

Lesson #9: Never give up. Unless you’re about to be eaten by a crocodile. That’s the only excuse. That and giant land birds.

Aug 24

Lesson #8: Push through the mud. Even if you think you can’t do it anymore, keep pushing through. Because, like my ‘ma always said, you ‘aint nothin till you prove you can push through the mud in your Wonder Woman underoos to prove your better than your sister and your favorite goat Penelope.

Aug 23

Lesson #7: Never look back. That’s right. I said it. I’m bold. Never look back because if you do, you might get smacked in the forehead with whatever is back there, usually ‘ma. And you don’t want that. Her forearm is as big a cow’s fightin’ leg.

AUGUST 20

#4 for Paul’s guide to success: Never underestimate the power of denial. Believe in yourself! Even if no one else does. Even if it’s hard sometimes. Even if someone says “you don’t actually work here and the police are on their way.“ No matter what, you are the key to your success—Whoops. I gotta go. My “ride“ is here. I’ll write back when I get out.

AUGUST 19

Hey y’all. #3 for Paul’s guide to success: Always dress the part. (even if the part you’re dressing for is underneath your clothes). I always try to wear my best suit underneath all my clothes. It gets tricky when you’re going swimming but believe me, when someone offers you an interview underwater at the local YMCA about a very real position, it’s worth it.

AUGUST 18

Welp. Here we are again. It’s me. Paul. Remember? From yesterday? I was the guy—-Anyway, thanks for reading. Unless this is being dictated by some one or some robot. Then, thanks, robot! Rule #2 to being a hit success: Always remember to shut the barn door when you leave the barn. My ‘ma taught me that. You can use that in life too. If you’ve finished a chapter in your life, shut that door and move forward. Even if the chapter is hard to close and move on, just do it. You can’t move forward if you have a 1-ton door still open and all the horses and pigs wanna get out and party with you because you just happened to tell them about the surprise party you’re having for the sheep outside because they did such a good job at growing that wool, which I still can’t figure out how to do. One day, Paul. One day.

AUGUST 17

Paul’s Blog to success. Hey! That’s me! The first thing you have to know about success is this: Success will not be achieved unless you achieve it. There. I said it. Phew. Glad I got that off my chest. I don’t want to sidetrack but sometimes it’s hard to get things off your chest. Especially if your sister hot-glues her Barbies to your chest to force you to play some strange “Barbie-got-trapped-on-a-monster-and-now-I-have-to-save-them” game that I’m pretty sure is not approved by Mattell.

AUGUST 21

Lesson #5. How many are there? 135? It doesn’t matter. This lesson is simple: don’t worry about how big the project is just worry about today. Today is the only thing you can control. Unless you’re one of those cool X men like my mom who says she can control everything I do in the future so if I ever try to tip over a cow again, she’ll know about it! Shhh. I think she can hear us. Oh wait, hi mom!

Aug 22

Lesson #6: Never forget! Especially the tough times when you thought you couldn’t go on hut then you did! Always remember those times! Or wait, what’d I say? Never forget right, sometimes I forget to put on my pants the right side up because I used to always chase our pig Tiffany around every morning till one morning we had really good bacon. I wonder if she’ll ever forget that.